


Die

by ruuutabaga



Category: Naruto
Genre: And Sakura is not amused, Dialogue-Only, F/M, Gen, Humor, Kakashi is a butt, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 06:05:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1887711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruuutabaga/pseuds/ruuutabaga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trapped in a bad situation, Sakura learns a few new things about Kakashi. Like his taste for floral print.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Die

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 2006. Purely Dialogue, was just trying to have fun. Enjoy. Rated T mostly for some stronger language.

"I think this place needs some colour."  
"….The hell?"

"Yeah, maybe some nice pastels. Or some sort of flowers. I've always been partial to daisies myself."

"It's a prison cell. In an enemy country. I'm not all that worried about their taste in décor."

"No, really! Think about it. I mean, sure, that mildew-slime-cold-thing over there-"

"What the hell is that? Did it just move?!"

"-Adds a bit of life, I'll admit, but not nearly enough. Dank and dreary only takes you so far."

"I think it's coming closer. Kakashi, the slime mold is coming closer."

"Add in some blues, or yellows and the like. Maybe a nice red or something. Make this place more 'hospitable.'"

"Is that an eye? Did that thing just wink at me?"

"I saw a really nice floral print at the one store the other day. It might do well to break up the monotony of the cell bars."

"It's moving again!"

"Or duvets. We need more duvets."

"I think it's a flesh eater- What the hell is a duvet?"

"You were listening?"

"No. I stopped listening when I was 14 and you told me a blind nun had stolen your alarm clock and that's why you were late."

"She was a mean nun."

"Will you please help me with this slime-thing?"

"What, big tough ninja Sakura can't handle a little blob of lime jello?"

"Get over here or I castrate you and feed it the removed parts."

"Ok then. So, what do you think of my decorating idea?"

"The flowers? Umm… How about not? And what's a duvet?"

"Aww, come on, I think it's a good idea. No idea what a duvet is. I think I might have read it in some magazine or something."

"No, no its not. You read magazines?"

"Yup. It was quite interesting."

"…"

"…What?"

"…"

"Seriously, I did."

"…"

"Ok, fine, it was Icha Icha Paradise."

"Jiriya-sama knows what a duvet is?"

"….They had sex on it."

"Ah. I see."

"Mm. Now, about my curtain idea-"

"No. Also, why?"

"Simple, really. You give them hope, make them feel more comfortable. Then you tear it all out from under them, psyche them out."

"…You would figure out how to bring floral print into torture."

"Thank you."

"Wasn't a compliment."

"I know."

"Mm."

"…John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smidcht. His name is my name, too!"

"…Shut up. Please."

"You're no fun anymore, really."

"You're an asshole."

"That was rather uncalled for. What's got your panties in a twist?"

"Oh, I don't know… Impending doom perhaps?"

"Well, I wouldn't call it 'Impending', per say."

"That's 'cause you're Kakashi, Copy-nin and the like. You're like a freaking Cockroach. They couldn't kill you if they tried."

"I'm a cockroach?"

"Me, I'm just Sakura. Granted, apprentice to the Hokage, but I'm a medical specialist. Not escapist or whatever. I haven't picked a lock that wasn't basic in years!"

"I can't believe you called me a cockroach."

"I'm a butterfly, fer chrissake! All pretty to look at, but all I am is powder and fluff! One good breeze and Poof! I'm gone."

"You're being irrational. And I am not a cockroach."

"Am not. I'm being realistic. You're a cockroach with a taste for floral print."

"Sakura, you're a perfectly good ninja. You're the only Kunoichi I know who can punch a hole through a wall."

"Which requires chakra to do. And due to those lovely whatever-the hell drugs they gave me, I can't do that. So, what now, oh great copy-nin?"  
"We wait."

"No. I'm sick of waiting. No more waiting. Admit it, you're stuck too. You don't know how to get out of this. Well, you probably do, since no doubt you went through something like this back in your ANBU days, but you were always solo then."

"How do you know I was always solo-"

"Tsunade-shishou talks a lot when she's drunk. But, I know you Kakashi, and I'm smart enough to realize the truth. You don't know how to get out of here, intact, with me along and you won't leave me behind."

"And what makes you say that?"

"Give me a break, Kakashi. I've known you since I was twelve, and I'm nineteen now. What was it you said? 'I won't leave my teammates to die.' And as soon as you're gone, I'm dead. They don't want me, they want you. I'm just leverage to keep you here."

"And you're absolutely certain of this."

"Yes, yes I am. I've known you for seven years and I've almost got your head figured out. Except for that damn mask."

"Well, you're wrong."

"About what? You know how to let us both escape?"

"No, I haven't thought of that yet. But, you're wrong about why I won't leave."

"Really. And why won't you leave?"

"Because I love you."

"…."

"Really, I do."

"…This is a really freaking bad time for jokes, Kakashi."

"What, you don't believe me?"

"No way in hell."

"I think I've been in love with you for a while. Didn't mean to be, either."

"I hate you."

"I think I realized I loved you like… a year ago. Something to do with your fortitude, and how you dealt well with whatever life threw at you."

"And it had nothing to do with my miniskirt, I suppose."

"Well, I'll admit to the miniskirt having helped the attraction a bit, but that wasn't all of it. You believe me now?"

"Hell no. I just wanted to know if you actually checked out my ass. Naruto said you did once."

"All the time. I really like that one shirt you have, too. The white one with the v-neck? Especially in the rain."

"…You said you couldn't see anything through it!"

"I lied. I also really like your boots. The leather knee high ones? They show off your legs quite well."

"I hate you."

"And I love you."

"Stop saying that. Now."

"What, I love you? Honest-to-gods truth."

"Kakashi, you asshole, stop saying that. You don't love me."

"Yes, I do-"

"No, you don't. You love the idea of me or something. I'm pure and untouched in your eyes, and you screwed up with me when I was young. It's guilt and lust you're feeling, not love."

"I really rather think I know my own feelings, Sak-"

"No, you freaking don't, Kakashi, or you wouldn't be sitting here, when we're about to die, telling me this shit about loving me. You're confused and trying to distract me, and if it was true, you wouldn't have wasted so much freaking time!"

"I-"

"No, Kakashi! You wouldn't have waited until now, and shit, when there's no fucking time left and we're going to die! You don't do shit like this to people! You don't!"

"Sakura-"

"You don't! Just, don't! Why the hell did you wait, why?"

"I love you."

"I hate you!"

"I know."

"Why is this happening? Why?"

"I don't know."

"Why?"

"Don't know. I really do love you."

"Asshole."

"That's really uncalled for."

"As soon as we get out of there, I'm kicking your ass. And then you're taking me to dinner."

"Yes Ma'am. Optimistic now?"

"I refuse to die before I get the chance to get in your pants- Err, I mean mask."

"…Going to pretend you just didn't say that."


End file.
